When Progress Doesn’t Feel Like Winning
Okay. I’m angry.
I feel like I never win. Ever.
And if you have ADHD, you might understand this feeling a little too well—the all-or-nothing thinking. The kind where if you don’t win, your brain immediately jumps to:
“Then I must be a loser.”
It’s not logical.
But it feels real.
And if I’m being honest, I feel like a failure a lot of the time.
Context Matters
Let’s add some context—because words on a page don’t always tell the full story.
If you read my last blog post about feeling like I suck at volleyball… that was two days ago.
So yeah—this feeling isn’t coming out of nowhere.
It feels like I just can’t win.
There’s this song that plays in my head sometimes—“All I Do Is Win”—but my version sounds more like:
“No, you don’t. You never win. You’re a failure.”
That’s the internal dialogue.
The Challenge
Recently, I participated in a body composition challenge.
And here’s the part my brain wants to ignore:
I made incredible progress.
Body composition isn’t just about weight—it’s about losing fat while maintaining (or building) muscle. And in that sense, I performed really well.
I lost more fat and retained more muscle than most people in the competition.
I just didn’t place in the top three.
And somehow… that became the only thing that mattered.
What My Brain Ignores
Because here’s the reality:
When I started this journey, I was classified as morbidly obese based on BMI and body fat percentage.
At my final weigh-in?
I was under 25% body fat.
For context, the healthy range for women is approximately 18–25%.
That means—for the first time in my adult life—I am in a healthy range.
Another Milestone
There’s also something else.
If you’ve ever been on a weight loss journey, you might know this one.
Getting under 200 lbs.
We call it “ONEderland.”
And I hit that milestone too.
So Why Doesn’t It Feel Like Enough?
That’s the question I keep coming back to.
Because logically, I should feel proud.
I’ve lost over 110 lbs.
I’ve completely changed my body, my habits, and my life.
And yet…
There’s still this pull toward external validation.
The trophy.
The recognition.
The proof that I “won.”
When Validation Doesn’t Come
But what happens when that external validation doesn’t show up?
When there’s no podium.
No announcement.
No moment where everyone says, “You did it.”
You’re left alone with your own thoughts.
And if your internal dialogue isn’t kind… that can be a really hard place to be.
A Different Way of Looking at It
So this is what I’m trying to remind myself of—right now, in real time:
Not placing does not erase my progress.
Not winning does not make me a failure.
And just because there’s no external reward… doesn’t mean this wasn’t a massive success.
The Truth I’m Learning (Slowly)
I have to learn how to hold pride for myself.
Not because someone else tells me to.
Not because I “won.”
But because I showed up.
Because I stayed consistent.
Because I kept going—even when it was hard.
A Reminder (For Me and Maybe For You)
If you’re in a place where it feels like your effort isn’t being recognized…
If you’re doing everything “right” and still not getting the outcome you hoped for…
That doesn’t mean it didn’t count.
It doesn’t mean you didn’t grow.
And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Because sometimes…
The real win is becoming someone who didn’t quit.
And I didn’t quit.
